and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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