Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
