I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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