The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
