the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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