That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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