Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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