This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
