im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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