i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
