someone threw a dead crab at me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
