There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
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