Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
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