Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Pants are for mortals
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
