I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
