There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
