i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
