Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
where does the pee come out of this thing
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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