I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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