I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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