you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
