I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
