I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
