no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
