things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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