so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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