I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
