We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
