so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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