Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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