Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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