i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
