i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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