therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My liver just had a heart attack.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
