We're facebook friends in real life
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
