i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
