I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
