he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
