Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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