Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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