You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You took a bar mat shot.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
