She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
