I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
