Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
