I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm always down for nudity.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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