omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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