I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
