There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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