Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
