Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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