found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
