That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
