so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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