i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
